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A Three in the Morning Friend

I have insomnia many nights. I lay there for hours before I'm able to fall asleep, and then I cannot stay asleep. I think about every detail of the day just passed, I stress over the hours I'm awake when I could/should be sleeping, and I listen with frustration to my husband contentedly sleeping and snoring.

Even if I do eventually fall asleep, I wake soon and end up pacing the house, getting a drink, and going to the bathroom just for something to pass the time until I (maybe, but not likely) get sleepy again.

Of course then my best sleeping hours are those towards morning when most people want to be getting up.

Oh yes, I know all the rules about what to eat or drink before going to bed. I'm careful to follow those rules. I've tried melatonin, to no avail. Warm milk? Not a fan. Sleeping pills? No, I won't.

I used to think insomnia was a bad thing - worse than a frustration and more like a chronic sickness. Lately I've changed my mind.

It's often during those one, two, or three AM hours that my friend Jesus shows up. Together we discuss the events of my day. He gives me plans for my next days or weeks. He encourages me on my behavior. He suggests contacts he'd like me to make. He boosts my morale. We chat. He tells me what to write in the next chapter of my ongoing work-in-progress. (He writes a way better story than I could ever imagine!)

Though I cannot see him there with me, I can easily imagine him laying there beside me, propped up on one elbow, looking into my eyes and laughing as we comfortably chat.

His companionship comforts me at times when I'm uneasy or fearful of the world around me. His presence lifts the dread and worry from my shoulders.

Just this morning I read this Bible verse. Jesus is speaking to his disciples: "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you" (John 15:15).

I'm so thankful he comes to visit me at three in the morning. Jesus - my three AM friend.

And four o'clock on? Now that's when I really get the good sleep.

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